Poor Mans Cenogenics

Poor Mans Cenogenics

A guide to available life extension and aging management techniques, based loosely upon the Cenogenics program, for the common man who needs to stay o

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A guide to available life extension and aging management techniques, based loosely upon the Cenogenics program, for the common man who needs to stay on a budget. After all, in the Cenogenics program it costs about $4,000 for the initial round of testing, for which you need to travel to one of their few offices, and a monthly maintenance fee of $1,000 to $1,500.

I think I can offer a few cheaper suggestions …


What is Life Extension / Age Management?

Life extension means living longer. Age management? It means managing your old age. Duh.

Average Life Spans Throughout History

People died young in the old days. Now, with the exception of drug overdoses and vehicular accidents, we tend to live a lot longer.

Why Life Extension Has Always Been A Wealthy Man’s Game – A Short History of Life Extension

2,000BC: you could afford potions and unguents from the shaman if you had enough sea shells

1,000BC: you could hire slaves to age for you if you had plenty of shekels

1,000AD: you could live forever if you made large enough contributions to the church

2,017AD: run around like a chicken without a head exercising and popping magic pills at $75 a pop


What The Wealthy Man Gets For His Money – Current Technology

Hot nurses and doctors that aren’t too hungover

Current Programs, Their Advantages, and Drawbacks

Cenogenics: good program but costly

Joe’s Old Age Miracle Cream: cheap but ineffective

How Much Can You Realistically Achieve?

If you’re lucky, you’ll live a few more years, years filled with pain and remorse while your family abandons you

What Will It Cost?

Far more than YOU can afford

How Much Time and Effort Will It Take?

Lots of time, lots of effort – what, you think this stuff is cheap???

The Program

Part I: Genetics / Medical History

Has anyone in your bloodline ever passed away?

Do you take any kind of pills?

Part II: The Basics of Staying Healthy

  1. Don’t smoke
  2. Don’t eat crap
  3. Get off your ass once in a while and DO something

Part III: Nutrition and Diet

  1. Eat lots of greens – if you need to, graze in your backyard
  2. Stay away from places like McDonalds
  3. Put down the chips!

Part IV: Exercise and Stretching

  1. Try moving once in a while, instead of sitting in front of the TV all day and night
  2. Stretch only until you feel pain. Then stretch some more.
  3. Lifting a can of beer does NOT qualify as exercise

Part V: Vitamins, Herbs and Supplements

Take vitamins and supplements, at least as many as are on sale at CVS

Part VI: Pharmaceuticals

Yes, please.

Part VII: Doctors and the Medical Paradigm

Waste of space. Doctors are far more concerned about paying their malpractice fees than curing you. They’re also shills for the pharmaceutical industry.

Part VIII: Putting It All Together

Be healthy, don’t do stupid stuff, stay away from inner city areas.


This guide is a brief introduction to my age management system. For the full program, please email your bank balance and any stocks, bonds or real property you own.



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  • comment-avatar
    Mermaid From Hell 1 year

    Nothing will prolong your agony, I promise! Bwahahahaha.

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