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3 Secrets of an Online Boy-Toy

Despite all illusions and perceptions to the contrary, the life of an online boy-toy can be quite challenging and wearing. I’m here to tell you the truth.

I was an online boy-toy.

It’s not an admission I make easily, though. Public perception of boy-toys is often one of slicked-back black hair falling in a comma over the forehead, bodies that would shame Greek gods and far too much time spent at the gym and salon. They drive expensive sports cars, smell like spring rain and move like cats.

At least, the real-world boy-toys.

When you’re an online boy-toy things are different. You can assume any persona you desire, look like a slob, wear a dirty wife-beater and shorts, smell like a sewer, have the body of a Greek demon and rely on the bus for transportation, and still be in demand from the ladies.

Secret #1: It’s All Perception

About those appearances – most of my online clients think I look like this:

bpy-toy

 

… when in reality I look like this:

boy-toy-2

 

The thing is – IT DOESN’T MATTER! I don’t use Skype nor do I post real pictures of myself, so the illusion is carried on through the years.

Secret #2: You Have To Have A Silver Tongue

Gone are the days when you could just “talk dirty” to your clients. Today’s intelligent, better-informed audience requires a silver tongue. You must be fluent – or at least be able to fake – knowledge of current events, fine art, food preparation, vintage cars, expensive jewelry and dozens of other topics. A knowledge of classic poetry will stand you in good stead as well.

You must also know when to talk and when to remain silent. Silence was always one of my best weapons for getting what I wanted – no woman could resist. When you are silent it raises questions in their minds, which in turn leads to their feeling guilty. A simple psychological trick that has brought in thousands of dollars, so I highly advise learning it.

Secret #3: Never, EVER Agree to Meet Your Client

The whole idea of being an online boy-toy is that you are ONLINE. The fantasy you spin, the world you create is only effective as long as you hide behind the Internet.

Once you reveal yourself in the harsh light of day, the jig is up. The cat is out of the bag. Everything is ruined.

If you are at all clever (and if you aren’t, you have no business being a boy-toy) you can create hundreds of excuses why you can’t make it to Starbucks for a latte, or why you can’t go dancing this Friday. Here are just a few excuses I’ve used successfully:

  • my cat is sick
  • my dog is sick
  • my cat AND dog are sick
  • I just washed my hair
  • I have a headache
  • I have a splinter in my little toe
  • I think I hear the doorbell
  • My second cousin (twice removed) just passed in a dirigible accident

And so on and so on.

If, on the other hand, they ask for your address so they can come over and comfort you, quick thinking is essential. You need to have a list of false addresses readily available to give out. I suggest such venues as the local strip club, the ASPCA, the furthest Buddhist temple from your house, or a vacant lot. Only in this way can you retain your mystery and anonymity.

In the end, they’ll be MUCH happier.

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